I never want to see that place again.

Family. Sucks.
Against my better judgement, this is public. I think I just want to vent, and I don't know where to do it without feeling like I'm dumping on everyone I love in a very serious way.

My great-grandmother died last year around this time, and it just about broke my mom's mom. She's among the most emotionally controlled people I know, and she's a complete wreck now. She recently told my mom that mum needs to go down and visit because she wants to discuss power of attorney with mom, because she's worried she won't be lucid enough to make decisions for herself much longer, which is ludicrous - She's in amazing health. But nonetheless, she's beside herself. I think my heroin addict uncle has finally made her crack. My great-grandmother is missed. I still cry when I think about her and how much I miss her. We were going to go to Ireland when I graduated high school, but by then, she wasn't able to travel that far. I find solace in the fact that she's with my great-grandfather now. But sometimes, I'm selfish enough that I wish she were here instead. Or they both were. That would be amazing.

On Christmas, I found out that my paternal grandfather is dying. My aunt Angel told me he doesn't have much time left. I spent most of the party I was at breaking into tears and trying not to be seen, until my mom finally cornered me and got me to talk, whereupon I turned into a complete nervous wreck. My mom told me very gently that she wished she could take all my pain away, and I cried more. I have a really strange family, and my mom causes more conflicting emotions in me than anyone else I know, but... It was nice.

Regardless, I'm seeing my grandparents on Tuesday or Wednesday. I don't want to go alone, so Ari's going to go with me for dinner or something, it sounds like. I'm going to cry a lot. I don't deal well with death. I think it's because I deal with it so infrequently. Jeremy was the first person close to me to pass when I was of an age to understand what it meant, and I was an adult. Then my great-grandmother, who really was one of the people who formed me more than anyone else, and now my grandpa Demovic. He's still alive... I talked to him for a few minutes... I got off the phone and cried. Which wasn't great, since it was snowing. Not so healthy.

To make matters worse, the youngest of my father's siblings has decided that Angel, my favorite aunt and the relative that is currently taking care of my grandparents, is trying to take their money? And threatened to sue? WHAT?! I'm so depressed and angry about this, I can't even begin.

I just am sad. And I kind of need a hug.

Current Mood: distressed

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